200 Insults and Roasts to Use on Your Friends – Get Ready to Laugh

Introduction

Roasting your friends is a great way to share laughs, create memories, and show your bond. A well-timed insult can make a hangout way more fun, as long as you keep it lighthearted and avoid crossing the line. Here’s a collection of 200 Insults and Roasts to Use on Your Friends – Get Ready to Laugh without causing any bad blood. Whether you’re looking for witty comebacks, savage burns, or just funny one-liners, you’ll find something perfect for any occasion.

Best Insults for That Friend Who Thinks They’re Always Right

1. “You must be the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
2. “I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
3. “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
4. “Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
5. “You’re proof that even a broken clock is right twice a day.”
6. “If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be poor.”
7. “Are you always this annoying or is today just a special day for you?”
8. “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, the day becomes so much better.”
9. “Don’t feel bad. A lot of people don’t know what they’re talking about.”
10. “You have the perfect face for radio.”
11. “I don’t know what’s tighter, your jeans or your mind.”
12. “Your brain is like a web browser—too many tabs open and none of them are helpful.”
13. “You’d be a lot more likable if you spoke less… like, a lot less.”
14. “I can’t decide if you’re a genius or if your brain is just really good at being confused.”
15. “You’d be the perfect candidate for a reality show where no one talks.”
16. “There’s somebody out there for everyone. For you, it’s a psychiatrist.”
17. “You can’t spell ‘loser’ without ‘you’ in it.”
18. “Is your goal to make everyone feel better about themselves?”
19. “Your idea of a good time is probably getting lost in a phone book.”
20. “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”

Savage Roasts for the Friend Who Can’t Take a Joke

1. “I would have given you a nasty look, but you already have one.”
2. “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
3. “It’s not that you’re ugly, you’re just… ‘challenging’ to look at.”
4. “You should come with a warning label: ‘Proceed with caution.’”
5. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
6. “If I threw a stick, you’d probably chase it.”
7. “You make my head hurt… in a really confusing way.”
8. “I envy people who haven’t met you yet.”
9. “It’s a good thing you have a great personality… just kidding, no one’s ever said that.”
10. “You could be a model… for a horror movie.”
11. “You’re proof that even the simplest things are difficult.”
12. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”
13. “You’re like a cloud. When you go away, everything seems brighter.”
14. “Don’t worry, I’ll still be here, pretending to enjoy your presence.”
15. “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
16. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.”
17. “It’s cute how you think you’re important.”
18. “Are you allergic to common sense?”
19. “You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.”
20. “It’s not that you’re dumb, but you make a strong case for it.”

Funny Roasts for Your Clumsy Friends

1. “You’ve got the coordination of a giraffe on roller skates.”
2. “I’d like to see you try walking without tripping over your own feet.”
3. “If there was an Olympics for tripping, you’d win… by a mile.”
4. “You must have been a gymnast in a past life—because you sure know how to fall gracefully.”
5. “I’ve seen plants with more balance than you.”
6. “You can’t even walk in a straight line when you’re sober.”
7. “If there was a competition for dropping things, you’d be a gold medalist.”
8. “When you walk into a room, even the furniture gets nervous.”
9. “Your ability to trip over nothing is truly impressive.”
10. “Maybe you should stop walking and just start rolling.”
11. “You should carry a safety helmet just in case you fall for something… again.”
12. “Don’t worry, no one’s watching you… except gravity, and it’s winning.”
13. “You’re like a walking disaster waiting to happen.”
14. “The floor must be very proud of your skills in tripping over it.”
15. “If you were a superhero, your power would be clumsiness.”
16. “I bet you can’t go 10 steps without breaking something.”
17. “You have an extraordinary ability to make the simplest task look difficult.”
18. “If you keep falling this much, you should start charging rent to the ground.”
19. “You should start taking lessons from a vacuum cleaner – it doesn’t fall over as much as you do.”
20. “Walking is clearly not your strong suit.”

Witty Insults for Your Friend Who Can’t Keep a Secret

1. “You’re like a leaky faucet… always dripping with gossip.”
2. “If you had a dime for every secret you spilled, you’d be a billionaire by now.”
3. “The amount of gossip you spread could fill a novel.”
4. “The only thing you keep secret is your ability to keep a secret.”
5. “If there were a competition for gossip, you’d definitely be the champion.”
6. “Your lips were made for talking, not for keeping quiet.”
7. “The CIA could use you for intelligence… if they needed to lose all their secrets.”
8. “Your mouth moves faster than your brain.”
9. “You’re like a walking rumor mill with legs.”
10. “Keeping secrets seems like an extreme sport for you.”
11. “I think you’ve told more people my secrets than I have.”
12. “You could start a reality show about the things you’ve ‘heard.’”
13. “You’re the reason people don’t trust anyone.”
14. “You can’t even keep your own birthday a secret.”
15. “Your gossiping is practically an art form.”
16. “You’d be dangerous if you were good at keeping quiet.”
17. “Everyone knows your secrets before you even know them yourself.”
18. “You might as well put ‘spilling the tea’ on your resume.”
19. “You’re the reason we can’t have nice things… or secrets.”
20. “If secrets were gold, you’d be broke.”

Insults for the Friend Who Can’t Stop Talking

1. “You must have been born with a microphone in your hand.”
2. “You talk so much, you could probably hear your thoughts echoing.”
3. “I didn’t know I was signing up for a TED Talk when I asked for your opinion.”
4. “You could give a speech on how to talk without saying anything.”
5. “If talking was a sport, you’d be an Olympic champion.”
6. “If I had a dollar for every word you say, I could retire.”
7. “You’re the reason why the ‘mute’ button exists.”
8. “Do you ever let people get a word in edgewise?”
9. “You must be the human version of a spam email.”
10. “I’d love to listen, but I’m out of battery.”
11. “Are you auditioning for a role as the world’s most talkative human?”
12. “You talk so much, even Google gets confused.”
13. “Are you sure you’re not a podcast in disguise?”
14. “If you stopped talking, I think the world would come to a halt.”
15. “I’m starting to believe you might be related to a parrot.”
16. “Do you realize that silence is also an option?”
17. “You talk more than my phone’s voice assistant.”
18. “I think I’d get more answers if I asked Google than from you.”
19. “You must be great at telling stories… even if they’re all about you.”
20. “If you didn’t talk so much, we’d have a much quieter world.”

Savage Roasts for the Overconfident Friend

1. “Your confidence is only rivaled by your lack of talent.”
2. “Are you always this confident, or is today a special day?”
3. “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, everything seems brighter.”
4. “Confidence is good, but being arrogant is another story.”
5. “You’re like the sun – everyone knows you’re there, but no one really likes it.”
6. “If you were any more full of yourself, we’d have to charge you rent.”
7. “How do you walk with that ego of yours?”
8. “You talk a lot of game for someone who never delivers.”
9. “If confidence was a sport, you’d be disqualified for excessive bragging.”
10. “You might want to tone down the ego before it gets a bigger head than you.”
11. “Are you always this confident, or is it just for show?”
12. “You must think you’re the only person in the room with an opinion.”
13. “You must be the only one who’s impressed with yourself.”
14. “Confidence is key, but you’ve lost the lock.”
15. “Keep talking, maybe someone will believe you someday.”
16. “You’ve got so much confidence, it’s practically delusional.”
17. “Your ego is so big, it has its own zip code.”
18. “You’re basically a walking self-esteem booster… for everyone else.”
19. “Confidence is great, but you’re just a walking talking advertisement for humility.”
20. “I’ve seen better humility from a goldfish.”

Insults for the Friend Who Can’t Stop Complaining

1. “Is there anything you don’t complain about?”
2. “If complaining was an Olympic sport, you’d have the gold medal.”
3. “You should start a podcast, ‘Complaints and Whines with [Name].’”
4. “You’re like a walking ‘First World Problems’ post.”
5. “You’ve got more complaints than a Yelp review.”
6. “If you were a superhero, your power would be finding something to complain about.”
7. “I think you’d be happy if you didn’t have so many things to whine about.”
8. “You could win an award for the most dramatic complaints.”
9. “Your idea of fun is talking about everything that’s wrong with the world.”
10. “You’re a professional complainer, I’ll give you that.”
11. “Do you ever get tired of hearing yourself complain?”
12. “Could you possibly find a silver lining for once?”
13. “Your life could be a reality show called ‘The Constant Complaints.’”
14. “Can’t wait to hear what you’re going to complain about next.”
15. “You’ve got more problems than a math textbook.”
16. “Every time you complain, I lose a little more faith in humanity.”
17. “How do you manage to turn every situation into something negative?”
18. “If you spent less time complaining, you might enjoy life a little more.”
19. “Your complaining is so consistent, it should come with a soundtrack.”
20. “Is your superpower finding the negative side to everything?”

Funny Comebacks for the Overly Dramatic Friend

1. “You should get an Oscar for the drama you put on every day.”
2. “Are you auditioning for the lead role in a soap opera?”
3. “I didn’t realize this was a performance; let me grab some popcorn.”
4. “You must have a personal award for Best Supporting Actress in Every Argument.”
5. “You should start charging for your dramatic performances.”
6. “This isn’t the time for a dramatic monologue.”
7. “Are you done, or should I call in the backup cast for your next scene?”
8. “You put the drama in dramatic.”
9. “Every time you overreact, a cloud appears in the sky.”
10. “You could teach classes on how to overreact.”
11. “If overacting was a sport, you’d have a gold medal.”
12. “You deserve a standing ovation every time you make a scene.”
13. “Is there ever a moment you don’t make things more dramatic?”
14. “I think we’re all going to need therapy after your latest performance.”
15. “Did you rehearse this in front of a mirror for hours?”
16. “If I had a dollar for every time you overreacted, I’d be rich.”
17. “You’re the reason drama exists in the dictionary.”
18. “You could make a drama out of getting a coffee.”
19. “Calm down. You’re not in a movie.”
20. “Are you waiting for someone to call ‘cut’ on your life?”

Insults for the Overly Sensitive Friend

1. “You should come with a ‘fragile’ sticker on your forehead.”
2. “You’re more sensitive than a soap bubble.”
3. “I said ‘just kidding,’ but you took it like I punched you.”
4. “Do you ever let anything slide, or do you have to make it an event?”
5. “It’s cute how upset you get over the smallest things.”
6. “Maybe you should take everything less seriously, like you do with your life.”
7. “If I wanted to offend you, I’d try harder.”
8. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings; I didn’t realize you were made of glass.”
9. “You should write a book on ‘How to Take Things Too Personally.’”
10. “You act like I just insulted your dog.”
11. “You should take a deep breath and realize it’s not the end of the world.”
12. “That was a joke, not a personal attack.”
13. “You might want to start wearing armor if you’re this sensitive.”
14. “I didn’t know I was talking to someone with such thin skin.”
15. “Can you stop acting like you’re in a drama series?”
16. “Relax, I didn’t mean to break you emotionally.”
17. “You know, it’s okay to not take everything personally.”
18. “Could you go a day without being offended by something?”
19. “I didn’t realize you were a walking emotional sponge.”
20. “You have the emotional stability of a house of cards.”

Insults for the Friend Who’s Always Late

1. “You must be the reason time runs late everywhere you go.”
2. “You’re so late, even Google can’t find you.”
3. “I’m not saying you’re slow, but you’ve got a better chance of getting lost than being on time.”
4. “You’re so late, even your watch is embarrassed.”
5. “You should change your nickname to ‘fashionably late’—and stick with it.”
6. “I didn’t know they had ‘late’ as a time zone.”
7. “You have the timing of a broken clock.”
8. “When you’re around, time feels like it’s moving in slow motion.”
9. “You should wear a cape, because you’re always late like it’s a superpower.”
10. “If you were any later, you’d be arriving at the next event.”
11. “You should just start telling people ‘I’ll be there… sometime.’”
12. “If time was money, you’d be bankrupt.”
13. “You’re the human equivalent of a delay button.”
14. “Is your car powered by procrastination?”
15. “I’m going to start setting the event time for an hour earlier, just so you’re on time.”
16. “The only thing that’s punctual is your excuses.”
17. “I could have walked to the location by the time you showed up.”
18. “Maybe time is just scared of you; it’s always running away.”
19. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were running on your own time zone.”
20. “You might want to try starting ‘on time’ for once.”

Conclusion

Roasting your friends can be a fun way to bond and create laughter, but it’s important to always keep it light-hearted and respectful. The key is knowing your audience—make sure your roasts are playful and don’t cross any boundaries. Use these comebacks and insults with caution, and ensure that your friends are enjoying the joke as much as you are. After all, the best part about a roast is the shared laughter and the memories you create, not hurting anyone’s feelings.

Remember, it’s all in good fun, and with these 200+ roasts, you’ll always have the perfect line to keep the jokes rolling and the laughter flowing!

FAQs

1. Are these roasts meant to hurt someone’s feelings? 

No, these roasts are meant to be playful and light-hearted. The goal is to share a laugh with your friends, not to hurt anyone’s feelings. Always ensure that your roasts are well-received and appropriate for the context.

2. How do I know if my friend will find a roast funny? 

It’s important to gauge your friend’s sense of humor. If they enjoy sarcastic humor and playful teasing, then they’re likely to enjoy a good roast. However, always avoid touching sensitive topics and keep the tone fun.

3. Can I use these roasts on anyone, or only close friends? 

These roasts are best used with close friends who understand that it’s all in good fun. Using them on acquaintances or strangers might come off as rude, so always consider the relationship you have with the person before roasting them.

4. What if someone gets offended by the roast? 

If someone gets offended, apologize immediately and make it clear that it was meant as a joke. Everyone’s comfort level with humor is different, so it’s essential to be considerate of others’ feelings.

5. Are there any topics I should avoid while roasting? 

Yes! Avoid personal or sensitive topics like appearance, health, or family issues. Keep the roasts light-hearted and steer clear of anything that could potentially hurt or upset the other person. The goal is to have fun, not to make anyone uncomfortable.